im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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