Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize