No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
