cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
