my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
