perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize