I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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