Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
