I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
