just come out here and I will go home with you...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize