3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
