Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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