how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
