take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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