Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
