just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
