Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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