I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
