Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
