i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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