My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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