is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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