just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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