i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
