Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
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I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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