We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
