I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
