remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
