Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
