You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
