i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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