and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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