So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
