im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
