i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
