The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
