I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize