Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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