I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Come share oat with me in your robe
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
