We're facebook friends in real life
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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