Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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