well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
