Soap is not a condiment
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
