The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
