Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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