you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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