you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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