just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
