I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
