good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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