I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
