We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
