Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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