just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
