If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
