After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
