I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i think my cat just said my name.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
