You can't motorboat a personality
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
