I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
