i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize