He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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