someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Randomize
