I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
