Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
