Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
