it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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