Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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