bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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