maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
