the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
