I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize