I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
