Just fell off a train. Bad.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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