you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
